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What's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget

Imagine a bride looking through her wedding album. She recognizes herself in the various photos, dressed in her pristine and disposable gown, standing alongside her beloved, surrounded by friends and family, ensconced in flowers and champagne. And she can’t remember a single actual moment of it.

Justice and Jeremy Stemper were married on August 1 2014 in Virginia, USA. Justice was twenty years old. She was certain her wedding day would be etched in her memory forever, but just two weeks later she was involved in a car accident and injured badly. During her recovery, she realized that the last five weeks prior to the accident had been erased from her memory completely. Along with the difficulty of admitting to her husband she could not recall any of their wedding, her partial amnesia also left her detached and lacking any significant memories. This rite of passage, a process culminating in the nuptial ceremony, was stripped of her in retrospect.

We tend to think of memory as a form of storage or hard drive where mental images of past experiences are saved. In fact, research has shown that memory functions very differently.

Memories are not kept intact, ready to be retrieved at a moment’s notice. Actually, each time we recall something, we must also store it anew. Thus, the more frequently we recall a particular memory, the higher the probability that the original memory further fades from our recollections. A copy of a copy of a copy. Human memory is not a recording device. It is constructive, or, rather, reconstructive (reformed and rehabilitated). We may recall experiences that never transpired, or recall events differently from how they actually unfolded. While memories may represent our pasts and our identities, they also contain a great deal of fiction. In fact, it is almost impossible to distinguish between true and false memories (for example, research by cognitive psychologist Elizabeth Loftus from the ’70s and on have demonstrated time after time how false memories may be planted in people’s minds).

Memory is one aspect of our consciousness. It is a dynamic process, both permanent and continuous, through which we understand and operate our past and our present. Think, for example, of watching a film at the cinema. Sitting in the darkened room, watching 24 still images flit by each second, as our brains connect and merge them into moving images. Memory works in a similar fashion. The mind links our immediate present to our past; synthesizing the two creates a sense of movement. Memory is motion. Each gaze or glance at the world around us is one of recollection, as it invariably carries with it the past.

Over two million couples get married in the US each year. In Israel, the number just exceeds fifty thousand. Over half of them will no longer be married after the first decade, but the significance of the ceremony remains undiminished. Its power stems from the force of the promise it entails. Wedding days are still “the happiest day of our lives”, still “the day each girl dreams of”.

By definition, weddings clearly symbolize a transition from one social and conscious state to another. It validates the relationship between two people (as well as that of their families, although that measure of affiliation varies in different times and societies). It marks a farewell from single life, and the reemergence into society with a newly altered status. By its very nature, marriage is public, and the social, official acknowledgment of wedlock confirms the individual’s (and couple’s) dependence on authority. Couples thus willingly affirm their adherence to tradition and this hierarchical social system, their belonging to a social structure greater than themselves. The trappings and significance of its symbols imbues them with a sense of sanctity and eternity, and along with the official status it provides, the wedding ceremony provides a community theatre through which we may present ourselves anew, always reflective of this inherent value system, both overt and covert, creating a snapshot image of our group belonging.

This tactical act is a performance. The declaration is the act made here, one given its cogency through an entire array of authorities and punitive measures – and just as importantly, from the countless number of precedencies that came before it. It is the repetitive nature of this act that lends it its weight (one could say that this hegemony is perpetuated by repetition).

Weddings are a promise of a rosy future, and remain so even after they are replaced by “real life”. No wonder the documentation of weddings remains so essential a component to the event itself – whether through the video and still images of the “production”, or by the bureaucratic records, such as prenuptial agreements or ketubah marriage contracts. The documentation, even if never required ever again, still constitutes an assertion of the ceremony’s significance, its role in maintaining personal and community memories. It aids memory in presenting what we believe the past should be. However, it turns out that memory is also elastic and easily malleable, just as photographs may be selected and filed in photo albums at will.

The significance of the marriage ceremony – a well-known aspiration established in countless plays, films and popular songs throughout history – is the starting point from which every one of the works in “What’s too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget” germinated. Weddings and their documentation serve the participating artists as the anchor for investigating the familiar ritual structure against questions of memory and trauma.

The self-referencing serves as the central core of memory and consciousness. The product of their interrelations are an ever-developing and changing self-awareness, dynamic and subjective. But the dependence we have developed for devices of visual memory and memory storage, and the deliberate nature of rituals, narrow our vision, making it difficult to comprehend the ever-changing complexities of others (and further, diminish our ability to comprehend our own complexity as time and documentation widen the distance). It is this focus on the “flaws”, the course edges of this enfolding cover over a constantly changing heart – that allow us to truly see others. And they are, exactly, as we are ourselves.

Ran Kasmy-Ilan


Participating Artists:



Lithuanian Story: Lina Lapelyte

Candy Shop and Other Dances


Nico Teen


I saw a lot of people in the street, one of them asked me what time it was / Ruti De Vries

Solo Exhibition

Curator: Tali Ben Nun


A talk with Liat Segal


Johann Lurf


Vita Eruhimovitz


Random Walk / Liat Segal

Solo exhibition

Opens on January 12th, 8:00pm


Tectonics 6

A Festival for new music

Thursday, December 13th, 8:30pm

Admission free


Frieder Butzmann

טקטוניקס 6


Charles Ross


Gintarė Minelgaitė



Always Duty Free

Group exhibition

27/10-2018 - 6/12/2018


Lucas Norer

Residency for Austrian artists


Noam Rotem / Acoustic

Special show at the garden

6/10/2018, 20:30


Lingers on the corporeal border

A talk with Jasmin Vardi


Izik Badash

Residency Program


Wilhelm Scherübl

Residency for Austrian artists


Hyper-Intention / Jasmin Vardi

Solo Exhibition



Born in Deir Yassin

Special screening and a talk with director Neta Shoshani / 12/16/2018, 20:00


The Coastal Spray Zone #2

Efrat Galnoor


Irina Birger

Residency Program


Gina Haller, Nadia Migdal

Residency Program


Jennifer Mattes

Residency for Austrian artists


Paulina Pukytė


Dead Honyes

Group Exhibition

Opens on Saturday, March 10, 8pm


Lisa Kudoke


Real Daughter

A talk with Efrat Vital


Lotte Lyon



Winnie (Real Daughter) / Efrat Vital

Solo Exhibition



Jaan Toomik


Tectonics 5

Lina Lapelyte, Pierre Berthet, Mik Quantius with Alex Drool Yonovic




Lina Lapelyte

Tectonics Festival


Mik Quantius


Pierre Berthet

Tectonics Festival


Nothingness to no one

A talk with Yair Barak


Continents and Faces / Yair Barak

Solo exhibition



Still Life, Live Data

A new research by Shenkar College, the Inspire Lab for Image Research, and the Sorbonne

Opens on 08/07/2017


Tal Shamir


Ilya Rabinovich


The Arnolfinis / Orit Adar Bechar

Solo Exhibition

27/04/2017 - 20/06/2017


Dr. Reynaldo Anderson

Tohu Magazine Conference


These are sculptures from nothing cause there's nothing

Artist Talk with Roy Menachem Markovich


Axel Knost, Karin Redlich

Collaboration with "Harishonim" high school Herzliya


Anna Bromley and Ofri Lapid


Artist Talk with Meir Tati and Eyal Assulin

Saturday, January 7, 11am


Good Greif / Roy Menachem Markovich



Look at me

Meir Tati, Eyal Assulin



Saturday morning at the gallery


Follies | Elisheva Levy

Solo Exhibition



Netally Scholsser



An interdisciplinary think and do group


Saturday morning at the gallery





Lior Zalmanson